Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
