his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
