We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
