I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize