thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We are all done wearing pants today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
