dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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