I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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