grandma shit on top of the toilet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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