your parents love me but you hate me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
