my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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