went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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