the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
