Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
