My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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