You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
