I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
