nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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