Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
