Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
