I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
