i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
