dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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