Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
