I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
