Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
