someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
