I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
