there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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