So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Randomize
