Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
