So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
