I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
