I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have fence marks all over my body
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
