This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
