There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
