Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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