Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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