That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize