is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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