You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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