it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
smell my finger.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
