The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just tell him i said nine months
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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