I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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