I just cut my nipple shaving
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
