Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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