matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
