I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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