I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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