I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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