There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
