This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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