Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize