Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
