He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
