i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
