I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Alive.
So much puke
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
