This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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