September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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