OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
