don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize