I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I looked at my own cervix.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
