Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
