Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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