oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
