hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize