I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i came on her dog
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
