cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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