Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
