pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
