I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
