Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
